On June 7, I celebrated my 30th birthday. Such a blessing to see another year. I normally don’t make a big deal about my birthday. It’s literally just another day in my eyes that I’m blessed to see.
I love me and the woman I’m becoming. I love becoming wiser and gaining more insight. I love stepping into the newness that comes with another year of growth and maturity.
Dinner with my family is about all I have on my calendar each year. It’s always a good time to celebrate with the ones that you love.
But this year was different…
My friends and co-workers and family and former students wanted to celebrate me turning 30 and made a big deal about it all weekend.
I was in a state of shock for the entire weekend and here’s why…
I don’t like to be celebrated. I don’t like all eyes on me. I prefer that people don’t spend their hard earned money on me.
Being celebrated applies pressure. The kind of pressure that I don’t like.
Having all eyes on you reveals more than what I desire for it to do.
And I would much rather people save their money…
See all weekend, I had to be on. People were requesting my availability and my location and my outfits… To be honest, it gave me a little anxiety. But I’m learning to dig deeper and get to the root of things.
It’s not that I don’t like to be celebrated. I just struggle taking a back seat and allowing people to do for me. It’s one of the downsides to becoming so independent.
It’s not that I don’t like moments where all eyes are on me. I struggle feeling judged when they are. I’m confident in myself and my capabilities but an entire weekend of attention had me going through a rollercoaster of emotions.
It’s not that I don’t want people to have free will with their money. I overthink about those who might be giving their last. And this area is rooted in me once not having “enough” money to celebrate people how I wanted. But “giving my last” to ensure that they felt the love.
To all of you sweet souls who went above and beyond for me, thank you. You helped me overcome some of my fears that weekend and helped me see that being celebrated by others is a gift. A gift that I so needed as I embark into this new season. A gift that helped me realize that I’m so loved and that my big heart has so much more love to spread to others through my gift of writing and being on a mission to inspire others.
Maybe you too need to be reminded that there’s a circle of individuals who appreciate you. They genuinely love you and care about your well being. They look forward to having opportunities to give you what you so freely give others.
You deserve to be celebrated. You deserve to be loved on. You deserve to be poured into.
Man, my 30th was one of those weekends that I will never forget. The people who showed up for me helped me see that I deserve more and that settling is so in my past… In my 20s, I did quite a bit of that.
Now? where I’m at mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually: On the receiving end of “more”…
More grace. More love. More peace…
brittany nicole 
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