brittany nicole

Happy Valentine’s Day to all. Especially to the single folk. I know that for some of you, you hate this weekend for several reasons. It can be because it reminds you of your past or simply because it reminds you that you’re single. Trust me, I get it.

Luckily for me, I don’t have to depend on weekends like this to remind me of the fact that I’m still single because I have enough people who do that for me throughout the year. My last relationship ended December 2013.

I embrace being single and try to highlight the benefits when the opportunity presents itself. This year, I’m allowing the month of February to be an opportunity for me to focus on self-love + self-respect + self-care…

Speaking of self-care, I placed myself on Do Not Disturb Mode until June 2021. Started on this journey towards the end of November 2020 and here’s 3 of the 5 benefits:

1. You will free yourself from any deadweight or individual who you’re not supposed to be connected to…
2. Your focus will turn up a few notches and you will see things begin to align in your favor.
3. You will begin to move forward towards operating with purpose on a new level.

For a full breakdown of all 5 benefits, you can catch my latest YouTube Video:

I think the beauty about being single is that it’s another year to focus on you selfishly. It’s another year to pour into you. It’s another year to love on you. It’s another year to treat yourself. It’s another year to reflect on how much you’ve changed for the better…

Last weekend, I drove to Atlanta just because I can. It was so nice to get out of Birmingham for 48-72 hours. I stayed at a hotel in Buckhead and within 24-48 hours, I started doing that thing where I can actually see myself making things official and just moving to Georgia. lol

God didn’t say move just yet, but I did remind God that if it’s still in his plans for me to go…

Any who, it was the ability to just pack a suitcase and book my hotel and just go. I love that component of being single. It’s the best.

And I guess I can be honest with all of you because you know that’s kind of what my blog is all about:

If I was having sex on the regular right now, I may never get married. lol

I’m not a virgin. Surprise! Lost my virginity at a young age. Had no clue what I was doing and neither did he. He was my very first boyfriend and I just knew we would be together forever.

Sike. He broke up with me months later and I just couldn’t understand the why behind it all. I, at a young age was under the impression that sex was only for people who “loved” each other. I had no clue…

That one time stemmed from me sticking him a bird at school and he text me saying:

Place & Time…

Parents: Talk to your kids about sex. Let’s normalize having healthy conversations about sex and why our bodies crave things that we may need to wait to experience. I promise if you don’t someone else will and that individual may leave out some of the important parts that need to be shared. I would also encourage you to not just say, DON’T DO IT…

My mom (who still at my old age of 29 has never had the sex talk with me) did that and for a curious kid like myself, it just always made me wonder about the what ifs…

After that, I decided that I no longer wanted to end up empty handed again so I wouldn’t go there again until I knew for sure that the feeling was mutual…

I had 2 boyfriends during this time and luckily they never tried me. I say luckily because I don’t really know how I would have responded…

I waited 4 years before I had another sexual encounter with my boyfriend at the time. I was in high school and I was madly in love. So in love, I didn’t realize I was being “loved to death”. The relationship was toxic. Didn’t start out that way but definitely turned into him being abusive physically and verbally. The sex was good enough though (I think… I didn’t have anyone or any encounter to compare it to) and quite confusing mentally to be sleeping with your abuser and finding enjoyment in it, even though you know that his other side could show up shortly after.

We dated roughly 2.5 years and then I was back single my freshman and sophomore year of college.

Then end of sopohomore/junior year, I started dating the most romantic guy I had ever met. He was so sweet and good-looking and we always had a good time.

A-L-W-A-Y-S…

What do the young people say these days… IYKYK

Yea, we’ll end that one right there.

Then towards the end of senior year, I started dating a guy who was more focused on doing what made me happy. And because it’s only fair, I always kept that same energy about him. It just worked. All things worked in our favor. We had the best of times together and there was very little to argue about. And to be completely honest, we were shacking up but sshhhh my mom doesn’t know that much.

Y’all he would clean up the entire place over the weekend and I thought I had hit the jackpot because he was something else… The best honestly until he cheated on me with my cousin.

He was my last relationship…

At that time, I knew I needed to be single for an extended period and because I enjoy sex, I had to cut ties with that portion too…

6.5 years no relationship and no sex.

Then…

Well, I think I’ve shared enough for now. Stay tuned for part II though…

here’s where I want to end with part I:

If you’re struggling being single, please know that you’re not alone. It’s perfectly normal to desire love and to acknowledge that it’s hard being single sometimes. To you I say, embrace the good. Write down the bad. Single seasons have challenged me to grow through some things and from the looks of it, the good always outweighs the bad. But you won’t believe it if you don’t have proof of your growth and the mindset shifts. Even in singleness, God chose you. be confident and remember your worth.

If you’re struggling being single and waiting, please know that you’re not alone. I’m in this boat with you right now. And to be transparent, my struggle isn’t always waiting. I can do that for extended periods easily. Sometimes the struggle for me is being disciplined enough to be mindful of what my eyes are exposed to and what I allow my ears to hear so that I don’t have lustful thoughts that result in lustful behaviors. I think if you’re a virgin, your wait journey is blessed because you don’t have the thoughts/images/recollection of past experiences. If you’re not a virgin, and just decided to abstain as a form of self-care or for some other personal reason… the beauty of the waiting period is the person you become as a result of being disciplined enough to not indulge regardless of how much you find pleasure in it all. You’re still chosen by God and the wait is not disqualifying you. keep those boundaries.

If you’re struggling being single and sexually active, please know that you’re not alone. I’m not here to judge you because I too, have experienced all of the things: Great sex! I’ve gotten a STD from a long-time boyfriend. I’ve purchased the Plan B before. I’ve had to take a few pregnancy tests over the years. To you I say, be selfish and don’t be too trusting. PLEASE PROTECT YOURSELF. People will lie. People are not using protection always. People don’t wash themselves properly on the daily. People are selfish. Protect your energy and your body. God loves you and chose you for a such a time as this. be bold and never settle.

And God laid it heavy on my heart to include this last one:

If you’re struggling being single and expecting or a single parent or having a child out of wedlock, please know that you’re not alone. I don’t have any kids and I’ve never been pregnant before but there was a time that I was late and I can remember being so mad at myself. I can remember being afraid and unsure of if I would keep the child. I didn’t feel like I had anyone to share anything with out of pure shame and guilt. To you I say, own your truth. If you’re expecting: Find someone to help you think through things that will support you regardless of the decision that you make and will be there for you in the end privately. If you’re a single parent, extend yourself grace and give your child(ren) pure love and a chance to be whomever they want to be. My mom was a single parent and I love her so much for being my biggest cheerleader since the beginning. She’s the reason I’m so successful. If you’re having/had a child out of wedlock: Be sure of this, God has great plans for the blessing that you’re carrying/caring for and think about how he entrusted that blessing to you because in order for the child to be who God created them to be, it would require your love and support and your beautiful spirit to pour everything into them as you support and nurture them. And God could have chosen anyone, but he chose you. Remember that always. be who you needed when you were younger and continue to be patient with yourself.

To the chosen ones (that’s all of us) this weekend, I say #lovehardforgiveharder…

b.nicole