brittany nicole

Ahhhhh to be back here writing my heart out is such a win in my book. This makes 6.5 years that I’ve been sharing content on the blog and letting people in on my wins and losses as I #growthroughit. That’s all God! See, I’m a very indecisive person and have a harder time sticking to one thing sometimes. That’s part of the reason why I don’t have a tattoo:

1. I don’t like to be in pain, even though I’m learning that I have a high tolerance for it.
2. . I would change my mind by the time I make it home. lol

Things like tattoos are permanent markings. There’s a procedure to remove the tattoo but the procedure will more than likely create scarring. So the memory (for you) remains.

Well I view each of my failures in life as permanent markings. There’s a procedure where God steps in to erase the marking/mistake and to take the guilt and the doubt and the hurt away. Sometimes though, I can still see the scarring that I created or I get a glimpse of the pain that I once caused myself.

But it’s just because the memory remains. Your mind set can be renewed but healing helps you shift your perspective.

Last year, I got it wrong. I got it wrong so many times that I lost count of the few times that I got it right.

I fell for guys who made it so clear to me that they weren’t God’s best as time went on. Shortly after my father’s passing, I stopped praying like I normally would so I had no sense of direction. Around that same time, I also stopped reading the bible so I didn’t have clarity about what God may have been trying to truly reveal to me in that season. I also stopped attending church at some point. No church hurt caused me to walk away. I just became very comfortable with no accountability and virtual services in bed are not ideal for everyone, but Covid-19…

It’s like I was being pulled in the opposite direction and some part of me just wanted to be seen and heard and loved. Regardless of the who or what… Whew!

And for a short period, I thought I was having the time of my life. Still tithing each month though but definitely not being my disciplined self. And when you don’t have boundaries in place, you fall easily into traps and don’t calculate the risks that you’re taking with a sound mind.

You have got to use common sense when you out here taking risks because if not, you’re basically playing with fire. #dangerzone

So because I had no clarity and no sense of direction, disctractions became my source of weekly entertainment.

I love that my word for last year was focus… (given to me by the good Lord himself in December 2019)

So I should have been prepared for the distractions to come. My father’s death was not a distraction but the negativity attached to it from beginning to end was all a distraction.

A distraction that tried to break me down internally. I was scarred mentally and emotionally. But not the kind of scar that people could see visibly. I didn’t have language for what I was experiencing then but I have so much to say now.

I’ll share more about the after affects of forgetting whose you are at a later time. Here’s what I know for sure about second chances:

God created those.

Even though I had low-key been ignoring God since July, he came through for me in a major way during the month of December 2020 and January 2021.

In December, healing and favor was my portion. In January, healing and favor and grace and opportunity was my portion.

You might be wondering “well, Brittany how do you know it was God?…”

Because only God would have had the strength to pull me from up under the rock that I placed myself under to mask the hurt that I was feeling.

Until next time,

#lovehardforgiveharder