brittany nicole

So most of you know that I lost my father this year (2020). I lost my pa-pa in 2013. I was super close to one and not as close to the other. But mixed emotions came after they both passed away.

My grandfather is still my background screen on my phone. In the picture with my sister and I, he had so much joy that night in January 2012. . I had just placed 3rd runner up in the Miss UNA pageant and nailed my on stage question about football coach Joe Paterno and the Penn State child abuse sex scandal. My mom didn’t think I knew who Joe was. But my pa-pa wasn’t worried because he was the one who had me watching the story unfold from day one. He challenged me because he loved me. But he also wanted me to be more than just a pretty face.

Funny story: I was a majorette in college and had just been sent home from practice for not making weight that day. Yes we had weigh-ins on a weekly basis and it was a struggle for your girl but I wanted nothing more to be on the field performing in that purple uniform for my family and friends to see. So any who, my car was in the shop that day. My grandparents lived about 2-3 miles from campus, so I walked to their house in tears (of course). And there was my grandfather outside cutting grass. He stopped to ask what was wrong. I tell him the situation and I kid you not, this was his response:

“Well I’m not sure why you came here. The track is in the opposite direction. You knew what you were signing up for and now you have to do what it takes if you want to stay on the line…”

He went right back to cutting grass and made me walk to the track. He didn’t offer me a hug or a ride.

That’s probably one of my favorite stories. I have so many more. He was literally in the picture since the day I was born. The beauty of our relationship is that technically, he was only my grandfather by marriage.

But he never missed an event. He made everything. I loved that about him. He wasn’t going to allow me to use the excuse of not having my dad in the picture.

Sharing that brings me joy + mixed emotions.

You may also enjoy reading the call I wasn’t expecting about my father this year.

This week, I’ve thought about them both. During what should be a joyous holiday season could very well be filled with sadness or confusion or even a state of shock for some.

I have joy today. But this year I was reminded that you can have joy + mixed emotions.

I have found myself thinking more about the what ifs and how much of an impact someone’s life can have on you after they pass away.

My grandfather would share words of encouragement and motivation with me daily. He believed in me. He always did. He used to tell me that I was a leader with influence and a bright future. Never understood why he kept telling me that as a kid. Now, I manage a blog inspiring others. The same way he inspired me daily with his words and slogans that I never got tired of hearing.

My prayer is that my blog will outlive me. Or at least my words.

The same way that my pa-pa’s words have stuck with me over the last 7 years.

My father would tell me that my books would make the best-seller list. And I’ve yet to even start my book writing journey but I think that’s going to be on my list of projects to begin sooner than later. He must have felt as if my blogs were pretty good reads. I think so too. lol

Just maybe my father saw a gift in me that I have a hard time seeing in myself. The same way my grandfather saw something in me as a kid growing up.

That brings me joy + mixed emotions…

It’s normal to not assign one emotion to the incidents and situations that occur in life. Let yourself feel what you feel. But don’t let your emotions control you and/or drive you to give up or in. Keep going. And be truthful with yourself so that you don’t begin to live in denial.

Here’s 10 things that I do to keep joy in my heart during this time of year.

1. Count my blessings (big & small)
2. Celebrate my wins without shame
3. Find a way to give back to others
4. Share memories (past & present) with loved ones
5. Think about the countless times God saw me through
6. Be silly & Make people laugh
7. Be present (this year, not so much)
8. Try something new
9. Shift my perspective
10. Write my heart out ( hey B Nicole Inspiring Souls )

I hope this holiday season, you don’t feel guilty if you find yourself having joy + mixed emotions at times.

#BNSPIRED2DAY