brittany nicole

So I honestly wasn’t sure what approach I should take with this one. I was ghosted this year and if I was being honest, it stung a little. I wasn’t expecting it at all and wanted to help other women or men who have been faced with this “ghosting” culture that is being normalized as the perfect way to end things.

I had never heard of ghosting and definitely didn’t think that I would ever be ghosted.

Ghosting is a way to end a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdraw from all communication

So here’s the letter:

To the ghoster (who I guess is innocent until proven guilty),

I’m unsure why you took the approach that you did. I’m unsure why you ever deemed it necessary to walk away with no words. I’m unsure and was speechless in the beginning…

Here’s what I do know now. I’m grateful that you ghosted me. It’s weird to say that though, because you were the very first guy that I talked to after being single for 6.5 years. I had such high hopes for “us”. My expectations were probably way too high and I honestly wasn’t sure that I’d be open to dating/talking anymore this year after the little stunt that you pulled.

Because of you, I’m reminded of the fact that my standards should never waiver. I’m reminded that I must respect myself enough to walk from anything or anyone who doesn’t appreciate/respect me. I’m reminded that I should continue being my inspirational self and not allow what happened to me to keep me so guarded that I miss out on future opportunities.

I thought I knew you. At least well enough, that I could trust you to always be upfront and honest with me. You proved to me that I should never forget that even the most trustworthy people fall short.

You fell. But I know that you falling probably helped me stand tall. I still don’t understand the why but I’m grateful that you didn’t try to bring me down with you.

I hope that you continue to live a blessed life full of opportunities and that your flow isn’t interrupted by someone who isn’t capable of being what you need them to be and also that you follow suit and not interrupt the flow of someone who you know that you’re not capable of being what they need… ever again.

I see you watching and being inspired by what I share still and that I wanted to block you, but decided not to because you’re not a threat to me. You inspired me to level up and raise my standards even more.

The next guy better be prepared to step up to the plate or strike out trying…lol

Signed,

the girl who finds inspiration in all things

Look if you’re in danger, go ghost. If you don’t feel safe, go ghost. If you feel pressure to do things that you don’t want to do, go ghost. If you’ve communicated expectations and they’re constantly being ignored, go ghost.

If you’re just no longer interested in someone, communicate that to them. It’s simple. Ghosting leads to leaving that person to make assumptions and to question the what ifs.

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

Ghosting shouldn’t be the goal. Ghosting isn’t #goals at all. Ghosting is mainly used as a defense mechanism to protect your feelings. By ghosting, you completely disregard the feelings of the other party.

Be willing to make your intentions known upfront and to share when things aren’t working out for you. Most of us can appreciate honesty even if the truth hurts.

See the ghoster in question made me feel a way that I would never want anyone else to feel. I was tempted to just cut off communication with a guy because it’s the easiest thing to do, but a friend reminded me that would be some form of ghosting. So I shifted my perspective and had a conversation instead with him.

And that’s when I realized how easy it would be to ghost someone and be unbothered by it. I hope this doesn’t make ghosting sound cool. Ghosting hurts. There’s level to the hurt. And we all know how hurt people hurt people.

I’m bothered by the nonchalant approach it brings to the dating world.

I vow to not use ghosting as a way out and I hope you’ll join me in coming face to face with what no longer serves you, unless you’re going to be placed in danger by trying to communicate your way out/closing a door.

Leave ghosting and haunting and everything in between for those who want to play those kind of games.

The only game I would consider playing is the one that has truth set as one of the foundations.

And even then sweetheart, I need you to come correct or stay on the sideline and watch me thrive in my element.

I’m more focused than ever and it’ll take more than a “ghoster” to throw me off my A-game at this point.

#BNspired2day