brittany nicole

So y’all know I was out here trying to be more open to texting the opposite sex because I mean it has been six years or so since my last relationship. Let me just say that the dating/talking world is something. And I’m not referring to a good something. It’s full of guys who have potential and YOU CAN’T DATE POTENTIAL. EVER.

I may go back into hiding for a period of time, I don’t know if I’ll last much longer… it’s ghetto outchea for sure!

Anywho.. I was talking to this guy over the phone and he had the nerve to call me fat. That’s what I heard him say.

He didn’t use those exact words but he said something along the lines of I saw pictures of you before COVID-19 hit.

I was on the other line like, he can’t be serious right now.

Except he was so serious.

Me: Ugh, I actually like you sir. Can you just…?

(FYI: He’s a trainer. I think he literally went into work mode as if I had asked him for his input on my weight.)

No excuse. He was definitely in the wrong. You know I let him know what’s up and that he doesn’t need to “client” me ever.

I don’t think he meant it how I took it. I still just wanted to help him find the sense that he lost when he opened up his mouth.

I hope that more people read this blog and understand why it’s never your place to comment on someone’s weight. unless they ask you. And even then, you need to be careful.

To the guy who deemed it necessary to point out that I was skinnier before COVID-19, cash app me for lunch/dinner next time. You guessed it, I like to eat. And I’m not really looking for a salad sponsor. lol

$bnicolejordan

Yes I gained weight during my “quarantined” work from home life. I’m very much so aware of my body and when my body changes.

This blog is to encourage other women to love your body. Love every curve. Love every stretch mark. Love every roll. Love every pudge.

Do I want to lose more weight? Sure. Am I working on it? Sure. Is the extra weight going to keep me single? Maybe.

I’m learning that I can only be myself. A guy will either love and appreciate what I bring to the table or decide that I’m not it. And if he chooses to pursue me, the flaws come with the package deal.

I can’t go and try to lose weight for this guy who I have no commitment with only to discover that he was never even interested in dating me. Ladies, not saying that Mr. Boldness fits into any of the scenarios below, but…

What if the guy you go and make changes for was only intrigued with the idea of dating you in his head.

I’m learning that this is a thing. Ghosting is a thing. And if you didn’t know, haunting is a thing too.

See, too many things for me to stay in the dating game much longer…

When I was younger, I never had issues with my body. I only had issues with my skin. I was born with eczema. Being a kid with a skin rash that covers 65% of your body is the absolute worst.

In middle school, I knew people were staring at me and whispering about me as we were having to dress out for PE. My rash, I couldn’t help it. I never cried but it definitely bothered me. So much so, I learned how I could get out of PE…

Go sign up for band.

And there I was auditioning to play the flute. The band director (in the nicest voice ever) said “I believe that because you have fuller lips, you will not enjoy playing flute. It will take more work for you to play comfortably. I recommend that you audition for clarinet.” Little did he know, he could have told me to play baritone or drums, I WOULD HAVE MARCHED MY WAY TO THAT SECTION WITH PRIDE.

I didn’t care about being in the band at that time. I just needed a way out of PE.

My middle school band days helped me prepare for my majorette auditions. I was a majorette all 4 years in high school. Weight was not a problem at this time.

Then I had the opportunity to audition in college. I was a majorette for 2 years at the collegiate level.

Majorette in college was different. We had weekly weigh-ins. Sometimes I had to step on a scale 2-3 times a week. No pity needed.

Year one I didn’t know what I was signing up for. Year two I knew exactly what I was agreeing to do.

In college, I started struggling with body issues. I thought I looked good and I did. I just needed to be skinnier to perform.

And we’re talking like 5-7 lbs skinnier. I would work my butt off in the gym with a trainer. Eat grass on most days. The struggle was real.

Even though I decided not to tryout for year three. The damage had already been done mentally.

For the longest, I thought I hated my body.

I don’t think that I hate my body at all now. I think I hate the following:

I hate that I cover up more because I hate the negative attention that comes from not doing so. I hate how guys think my body says the opposite of what I’m telling them. I hate that I hide behind extra fabric so that I can dress up what I view as problem areas. I hate that I didn’t love my body more before now.

My body. My rules. My dress code. My truth.

Women: Love the skin you’re in. If your partner doesn’t like it… But don’t you dare think you need to change anything for them. Change for you and you only. They’re either going to be supportive or dismissed.

Men: Don’t be like trainer friend and miss the mark. Second chances in the dating/talking world with women like myself aren’t a thing in our book.

#BNspired2day