brittany nicole

Let’s talk about sex baby… Let’s talk about you and me… Let’s talk about “the wait” on three…

1 – 2- 3…

To each young woman (or man) reading this: I hope you never settle. I hope you know your worth. I hope that you see how much you bring to the table. I hope that you respect yourself. I hope that you know that you’re loved. I hope you know that (if you’re single) you’re the person that someone is praying to marry. I hope that you’ll wait…

Wait long enough to experience life with the right one at the right time.

Disclaimer: I am speaking to my readers with made up minds. Some of my readers are virgins. Some of my readers watch porn quite often. Some of my readers find themselves in between the two. I’m speaking to them all with love. I always hope that as I spill tea on myself, someone else will no longer have to thirst after being accepted or loved or even chosen… because as they read each word they never feel judged or less than or unfit.

Nobody ever had the sex talk with me. I was told by many not to have it. I was told by a few to wait until marriage. I heard them loud and clear but everyone seemed to attach “pregnancy” to the conversation. Then, I discovered at a young age that you can have sex and not get pregnant.

Don’t ask me how.

lol I will say that in the 5th grade, a group of guys gave me “the talk”. As a young girl, I had more guy friends than girl friends. Girls weren’t that fond of me. I don’t think I really understood why but I always found it much easier to connect with a group of guys than a group of girls.

This group of guys looked at me as a “little sister” and were putting me up on game as they called it. IN THE FIFTH GRADE… (fyi: none of them ever tried to talk to me or kiss me or date me or have sex with me)

Parents: Have the talk with your kids. I can promise that if you don’t someone else will. And I hate to apply any more pressure, but the earlier the better. Maybe not 5th grade early but early enough that you can educate your children the best way you see fit without your child having heard about it from their little friends. I would also like to add that not having the talk is a risky method for curious children like myself…

Back to the story…

Even though I was even more curious now and had so many questions like… How did they know all of this stuff? Who was their source? Is any of what they just shared accurate?

I DID NOT run home that day and tell my mom about any of this. I was too afraid of what she may do as a result, so I just plugged it in my memory.

You know, for future use…

I was touched inappropriately as a young girl by a female. I won’t share details but I knew it was wrong. She was “family” though and I didn’t think anyone would believe me. So I never told a soul. I actually ignored the fact that it happened to me so much so that the memory of that day left me. This probably happened when I was like 8-10 years old. And it wasn’t until I went to a women’s retreat in 2016 at 24 years old that the incident came back to my memory so vividly.

I kept hearing the testimony of things that God was revealing to other women but honestly I was new to this “God” stuff and just felt like you had to be “experienced” to clearly hear from him.

My struggle to trust women stemmed from this incident that happened to me many many years ago. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe that I was leaving the retreat with a testimony too. One that I honestly didn’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone at the time.

So as a result, I’m not sure if my “first time” with my very first boyfriend was me trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay or was it me trying to work through my identity as a teenager growing up in a single-parent household without my father in the picture.

I really can’t answer that one truthfully. And it could be because at 13, it was a little bit of both.

Now with all of my baggage, I’m trying to navigate through life as a baggage-free teen full of positivity.

Here’s where I started teaching myself how to “fake it til you make it”. How to smile through the pain. How to show up as if nothing was ever wrong.

I got better and better at this. Eventually I became so good, I erased what happened to me as a young girl.

In each relationship though, the trust factor would always take time. It always takes me longer to open up and share my feelings with anyone that I’m dating. I’m used to be pretty guarded in the beginning because I’ve been hurt and lied to and ghosted…

I didn’t have many boyfriends, but many boyfriends had me. I gave each relationship my all. Sometimes that included sex, sometimes it didn’t. It was never enough though.

“Good in the moment” doesn’t comfort you when you’ve been trying to fill a void. “Good in the moment” can’t bring peace to a mind that is unstable. “Good in the moment” makes you feel free but will never grant you the opportunity to walk freely without guilt. “Good in the moment” is where most get stuck and lose sight of the empty feeling that comes right after it…

After boyfriend #6 in December 2013, I felt like I needed a break.

A break from trying to be someone’s everything. A break from attracting broken people (I was broken too which is why I was attracting brokenness). A break for me to stop becoming tied up in dysfunction.

I would be lying to you if I said that I wanted to give up sex.

I enjoyed having sex.

I enjoyed having sex.

I repeat: I enjoyed having sex.

What I didn’t enjoy was the fact that sex could drive me back to guys that I knew I had no future with.

Especially the guys I dated who were on an “eye-catching” level but were still never ever going to be on my level.

So because I knew me and how I operate. I told myself no relationships. No relationships would also mean no sex.

The beautiful thing about a made up mind is the power that attaches itself to the mission at hand.

Year One of no relationships and no sex came and I was speechless.

Year Two came of no relationships and no sex and I was in shock.

Year Three came of no relationships and no sex and I thought am I punishing myself?

Year Four should have brought me a man. And year five… still no man in sight.

Year Six came of no relationships and no sex and I felt like maybe this is the time to check my DMs and see if anything other than my lip gloss is poppin’…

The dating world is something else… Everyone just pray for these guys out here thinking they ready and they ain’t. lol

To any of you who are choosing to wait, do not deceive yourself in thinking that the desire has left you. Baby, if you was “ready ready” before you started the wait, I DO NOT CARE HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN… deep down somewhere is the “ready ready” you…

The wait doesn’t cause you to lose your desire at all. The wait will help you learn more about your strengths and weaknesses. Way more than sex… wink wink

Wait because you can. Wait because you don’t want to waste time. Wait because it’s worth it to you to do so.

Wait until I share my heart in Part II… (probably won’t be anytime soon but I can promise that it’ll be worth the wait)

If you’re choosing not to wait, please protect yourself.

If you were waiting and slipped up, extend yourself grace and start over. Boundaries are helpful but be sure to mention those “bad boys” upfront.

If you’re trying to decide on if the wait is necessary, it honestly depends on what you want at the end of the waiting period…

#BNspired2day