brittany nicole

So if you’ve been following the blog you know about my last relationship ending in December 2013 and me going into 2014 with no man and no plan.

I kept a bae, not intentionally but I was on the hunt for this ideal love story that would end with us living happily ever after together.

Kind of ugh-ing at myself just thinking about it but it’s the truth that sets us free, right?

I had my first boyfriend in 7th grade. We broke up in 8th grade.

My next boyfriend came into the picture in 9th grade. We broke up in the 11th grade.

Then my next boo popped up on the scene in the 11th grade. We broke up freshman year of college.

Why was I was so young trying to date with a “ride or die” mentality?

Hmmmmmmmm, where was I?

My next bae… We met fall semester of my sophomore year in college. We broke up the summer before my senior year.

At this point, I started to become mentally checked out from dating and felt like I needed a mini break…

Until I met the next guy senior year. We broke up 6 months after I graduated from college.

And that was it for me.

I wanted to start a journey of discovering more about me and doing things that I had been placing on hold if they didn’t fit into his plan. (That last part was something that I can admit was all me. I just never wanted to give a guy a reason to think twice about if I was “girlfriend” material even though I already had the title. lol)

Whew Chile! We praise God for growth + renewed mindsets + second chances + new beginnings.

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Here’s what I learned after I took a break from dating:

1. An insecure person will always support the idea of you putting your dreams on hold
2. A broken individual can’t fully appreciate what you bring to the table
3. It’s never too late to walk away from something that is draining the life out of you
4. Potential can be the most attractive thing about a person
5. If you don’t love you, you’ll end up settling for the one who isn’t capable of loving you

As I slowly ease back into the dating world, I want to date thinking less about perfection and more about purpose.

I also refuse to force anything. If the hype dies down, I’m not going to go above and beyond to bring it back to life.

FYI: If you’re unsure about how someone feels about you and you feel like you’re always reaching out first, give it 3 days. If a person can go 3 days without talking to you/checking on you, you can go on with living your best life and leave them be because they’re not the one for you. Don’t shoot for being in the same book or the same chapter, BE ON THE SAME PAGE SIS.

The next boo thang of mine will have a much healthier version of not just how I see myself, but also what light I view him in.

Here’s how “the break” changed the game for me on a personal level:

• becoming a better communicator
• recognizing how my “shutting down” method could send mixed signals
• loving the authentic version of myself + how dope I really am
• a healthier relationship with my body because I haven’t had anyone to seek validation from
• seeing potential for what it is, not something to fall for
• goals are set without “jaded” viewpoints attached
• having healthy boundaries in place for my well-being
• When I walk away, I do so with boldness. It’s a walk that doesn’t leave room for excuses

You can be single for 6-18 months and probably learn some of this stuff quicker than me. It took me closer to the 5 year mark to learn the above and so much more because for the first first 2 years I was in denial and pretty convinced that it was “them” not “me” that had “stuff” to work through.

Before most find love, there’s a season of embracing life without entanglements or without someone in the picture or without a title.

let’s normalize having “not ready to mingle, even though I’m single” phases

decide what will work best for you.

It helped me tremendously and if I deem it necessary…

I’ll start another “no mingle but single” season in a heartbeat.

but for now, I’m out here “mingling” with purpose…

#BNspired2day